I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
