its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
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