I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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