We're facebook friends in real life
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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