he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
