Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
