Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
