You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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