Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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