I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
