Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
