If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
