Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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