call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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