I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
