Midget sex pt 2 tonight
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
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