just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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