tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
