Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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