do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
