And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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