Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
