i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
