How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
