I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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