I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
