i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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