do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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