pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Houston, we have a squirter
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
