Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
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