Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
you had me at cake vodka
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
