Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
