Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
