And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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