After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
