yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
