I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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