Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
