I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
