Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
