it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
