Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
