hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
