how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
