my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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