i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
PANTIES FOUND
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