those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
