so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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