Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I FOUND THE LEGS
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
