Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
