Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
When did angry sex become our thing?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
