Life is so much better after having sex.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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