Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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