dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
